I Need Someone, Too

I Need Someone, Too

My daughter’s boyfriend is the best thing that’s ever happened to her. He’s sweet, romantic, compassionate, and not afraid to show his feelings or emotions. He can read a love note from her and start crying because her words touch him so deeply. He loves to surprise her with flowers, cards, and teddy bears. The other day he brought her a bouquet of red roses. He has taught her to dance, and he loves to do little things for her like massage her feet after a long day at work while singing a love song to her. I’ve witnessed these things and it makes my heart glad to see how lovingly he treats her. He’s the type of guy she can depend on to be there for her at a moment’s notice; the type who will come over and take care of her when she’s sick. He is a blessing to her, and she is a blessing to him. When they look at each other, I can see the deep love they have for each other.

My son’s relationship with his girlfriend is kind of the same, but a little different. They are younger than my daughter and her boyfriend. They like video games and going out to eat and watching movies. They have more of a “hanging out” relationship but they still do a lot of cuddling and kissing.  When they are together, their laughter fills the house. It makes the atmosphere shimmer and glisten with happiness.

I look at my kids with their significant others, and I wonder if I’ll ever have someone to call my own. I pray for someone like my daughter’s boyfriend. Not that I want to steal him away from her…he’s way too young for me. I’m not that type of person. Far be it from me to spoil what they have. No, I need someone like him who’s older than me.

I need someone who’s loving, compassionate, protective, emotional, strong, supportive, generous, and secure enough to allow me to see deep inside him. I want lots of hugs and kisses, lots of cuddling, lots of hand-holding, lots of singing, lots of LOVE.  I have been alone longer than I care to say, and my existence has been a chasm of loneliness. I have been very close to giving up hope of ever finding someone to love. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a barrier around me, invisible to my eyes only but glaringly visible to everyone else, that keeps men away from me. I wonder if, by getting a divorce four years ago, I have condemned myself to a lifetime of aloneness and loneliness.

In a dream I walked along a land bridge to a big boulder and sat down to watch the waves crashing all around me, spraying me with sea foam. I got so caught up in the majesty and power of the roaring surf that I lost track of time. When I stood up to walk back across the land bridge to the shoreline, I was amazed and frightened to see that the tide had come in and completely covered the land bridge, thus cutting off my escape. I scanned the coastline trying to see if anyone was there to help me, but no one was there. No one was aware of my plight. I was stuck on the boulder until the tide went down again and I could walk back across the land bridge to the shore. While I waited, it was dark and cold and I never felt so alone.

I’m still there. I wonder if I’ll ever get off that boulder. Who will come to my rescue?