BROKEN PEOPLE

BROKEN PEOPLE

Christine Phillips

02/07/2012

When my former husband and I parted ways in 2003, my heart was broken. I tried dating websites, looking for a compassionate soul who could help me find my way out of the deep, dark depression that held me prisoner. On these websites I became targeted by men who were looking for a casual, meaningless, sexual encounter. They seemed to think that the only reason a full-figured, middle-aged, separated/divorced woman would join a dating website was that she was as desperate for sex as they were. After getting messages from a few of them, I began to feel like they were mocking me.

One wanted a fling because he was dissatisfied with sex with his wife!  I wonder how that made her feel? One wanted me to be his personal phone sex operator. Others wanted IM sex, meaning they wanted me to type out sexual fantasies while they…you know. And some of these men claimed to be Christians! If they were, they conveniently forgot what Psalm 44:21 and 1 Corinthians 14:25 say about God knowing the secrets of the heart and laying them bare.

That wasn’t me. Not by a long shot. I can count on one hand the number of dates I’ve had in the past nine years. All of those men wanted something from me that I wasn’t ready to give them. And it certainly wasn’t my heart. I wasn’t about to get involved with a selfish, self-centered man who only wanted to use me for his own enjoyment. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

Now I’m ready for something very romantic, very serious, very meaningful, and very permanent…with a real Christian man. I’ve had plenty of time for my broken heart to heal, yet I’m still protective of it. I don’t want anyone to take advantage of me or hurt me.

It takes a broken person to understand a broken person. If you've had your heart broken, you understand that kind of pain, and you can help someone else's heart heal. Being broken makes you more compassionate toward those who are hurting. You no longer care if someone's perfect or not. You just want to love and be loved, to accept and be accepted, to show compassion and receive compassion. You want to wrap your arms around someone and assure them you'll never leave. You want someone to do the same for you. You learn from your mistakes and become determined not to repeat them. You refuse to dwell in the past or let someone from your past drag you back there kicking and screaming. What's done is done, and the only thing to do now is move forward...and learn to love and trust someone again. I am so there.