Jehovah Jireh, My Provider

 

As I was growing up, I depended on my parents to take care of me and meet my needs. When I got married, I shifted that dependence from them to my husband. My marriage ended after 13 years, but instead of shifting that dependence from my husband to God, I went right back to depending on my mother for support (my father had gone to heaven by that time). My mother has remarried and moved to another town, and I’m trying very hard not to ask her for help with anything unless it’s an emergency. Without Mom here to help with bills and shopping for food, I’ve been struggling. My son and daughter pay their assigned bills every month, and they try to help keep food in the house. Still, sometimes the cupboards and fridge look nearly empty. I’m on  Social Security and SSI but no longer receive SNAP (food stamps) because Social Services says you can’t get them if you make more than $300 a month. Apparently the two or three months this year that I’ve made just over $300 for dog-walking disqualify me. Go figure.

I’ve been a Christian for 38 years, but this week Jesus has become more real to me than ever before. Sunday I prayed very hard and with tears streaming because we needed food and I had no money to buy it. Monday I received $50 in Wal-mart gift cards in the mail from my mother. While I was grateful for her thoughtfulness, I knew we needed more than $50 worth of food. I kept praying all day for God’s provision. That night a friend of the family came with about a month’s worth of groceries. I praised God for His faithfulness in providing for our needs. However, I still needed money, so I kept praying. Tuesday, I left a note asking Lucy’s owner if he could possibly pay me early instead of waiting until Friday because I was short on funds. If he could, he would. If he couldn’t, I’d understand and trust God to send the money to me some other way.  I left the matter in God’s hands after that. That night I took the gift cards to Wal-mart intending to get only $50 worth of items such as toiletries, paper products, and stuff to make Christmas cookies for my sister and brother and their families. I had clipped several coupons and taken them with me. But—you guessed it—I still overspent. It wasn’t intentional. I just got carried away. There at the cash register, I stood in embarrassment, wanting to ask the cashier to take some of the items back and thus lower the total, but then I saw four or five other people in line behind me with impatient expressions and got scared. So I wrote a check to go with the gift cards and coupons, knowing I didn’t have the money in my account to cover it. (Can any of you relate?) After putting the groceries away at home, I stood outside in the cold night air and prayed, begging God tearfully to forgive me for my irresponsibility and to provide the money to cover the check. I must have prayed and cried for over an hour. Then I came inside around 11 PM, went to my room, and picked up the phone and called to speak to the manager of Wal-mart. In tears I explained the whole situation to her. Turned out she’s a Christian, and she understood my struggles and said she would work with me if the check happened to bounce. I asked her to pray for me and she said she would. I don’t think it was an accident that she answered the phone that night. I think God used her to comfort me and reassure me.  Wednesday when I went to walk Lucy, I found that her owner had left $100 cash for me with a note saying that it was payment for this week as well as half of what he would give me for dog-sitting from December 30 to January 3. He’d give me the rest after the third. Until that moment I hadn’t known he wanted me to dog-sit at all. First I shouted praises to God for providing again, and then thanked Him and worshipped Him with tears of joy. Then I took the money to the bank and found that the check I had written the night before hadn’t even posted to my account yet. The cash would cover the check and then some!

I’ve said all that to say this: I realize now that I’ve been relying on other people to meet  my needs and take care of me when I should’ve been leaning on Jesus instead. Never before has that been more clear to me. All my life I’ve sung “Learning to Lean” and “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” and other songs that talk about communing with and depending on Jesus, but now they’re more real. I’ve always said I trust God to meet my needs, but then I’d turn to people to meet them instead. Now that I don’t have my mother or any other person to depend on, I’m learning to take my needs to God. He’s got my back. He’s in control. He is my faithful Father, and Jesus is my loving and dependable Husband. Jehovah-jireh. This name of God can be translated as “The Lord will see,” or “The Lord will provide,” or “The Lord shall be seen.” Most of the time it’s used as “The Lord will provide.”  You know how someone will say, “I’ll see to it,” meaning, “I’ll take care of it,” or “I’ll provide for it.” That’s how I use this name of God, Jehovah-jireh my Provider. He sees my needs and provides for them. Now I know for sure that I can depend on Him for everything. In addition, I’ve learned a valuable lesson about being responsible with my money. I don’t want to take God’s provision for granted. But it’s nice to know-that-I-know-that-I-know He will provide.

Remember my book, Never Alone? In it, I tell the story of Ethan and Jere, identical twins separated at birth, who reunite after 23 years apart and learn that as long as they have God and each other they are never alone. Now I’ve learned the same lesson. Jesus has been my Savior practically my whole life, but I used to feel so alone all the time. This week Jesus became my constant companion. Now I know for sure that I am Never Alone.