My Faith is Unshakeable

 

I’ve been doing some thinking. I find it ironic how, when my kids were little and needed me to be there for them, I always had to be working at some part-time job or other to supplement my husband’s income. Now I’m a divorcee and my kids are in college and planning their own careers. This would be the ideal time for me to have a job or focus on a career. Yet now I can’t seem to find a job. It’s partly due to the economy. No one seems to be hiring right now. The ones that are hiring are being very choosy. They want people who have degrees and prior experience who can hit the ground running. I don’t have a degree. I don’t qualify for many of the jobs I see advertized on employment websites. I fill out applications online and/or in person. I call to follow up, and I’m told I have to wait another week or two for them to call me. It makes me regret not having a plan for my life and not knowing what career I wanted to have. Oh, sure, I thought I was going to be a singer/songwriter, but that didn’t happen. I’ve studied many things in college: music theory & composition, vocal performance, executive secretarial studies, business administration & management, paralegal studies, and English literature. I don’t have a degree in any of them. Nothing seemed to fit. I couldn’t find my niche. The only way I could go back to college now is if I got a total scholarship or lots of grants. I keep getting deferrals on my student loans because I don’t have money to pay them.

Now I’m 49 years old and unemployed. I’m battling rheumatoid arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, fibromyalgia, asthma, depression, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome, and migraines. On top of all that, I’m menopausal. Most of the time I don’t feel well enough to work. I’ve been denied disability benefits. I’m on Medicaid and SNAP. I can’t pay my bills. If it weren’t for my mother’s help, my kids and I would be homeless. Even my mother is struggling financially, and I feel like we’re a burden on her. My Avon business could use a shot in the arm. I need money now. Therefore, I’m hunting for a job, any job, to pay the bills. Yet, despite all of this, I finally know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write novels. I’ve been a writer all my life. I started my first novel more than thirty years ago. I’d write some of it and set it aside and forget about it. Then I’d find it again, dislike it, and start over. I followed that pattern for years while I focused on things I thought were more important. A couple of years ago I realized God was encouraging me to start the novel again. Only this time, I’m going to finish it. And God is going to use it to inspire and encourage people. That’s what keeps me focused on writing rather than on my problems. He works everything out for good for those who love Him. I love Him. I trust Him. My faith is unshakeable.